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50% Luke/dialogue
*Are you alright? **'Player:' Are you all right? **'50% Luke:' Who goes there? Arr! A landlubber! Begone afore I take my cutlass to ye! I've been charged with guardin' this gate and no noodle-armed landlubbers will make it past me alive! **'Player:' That's not a cutlass. I think it's a twig. **'50% Luke:' Ye cheeky begger! I was wavin' my finger at ye! **'Player:' All right... **'50% Luke:' Arrr... just 'cos me body happens to be 50% wood does not mean I'm heartless. **'50% Luke:' I got a bag of 'em here. Wanna see? **'Player:' I think I'll pass. *What happened to you? **'Player:' What happened to you? **'50% Luke:' That be a tale so heart-wrenchin' that it has so far wrenched the hearts from over a dozen sturdier men than thee! A tale of such woe that none but the stoniest hearts can hear it without sheddin' a single, poignant tear... And I'll never tell ye, not even if ye wore an item, such as a ring, with powers of mind control! **'Player:' What if I said please? **'50% Luke:' Hmmmm...well alright... Wait, no! Get goin' landlubber before I take my splintery foot to yet behind! *What happened to you? - If the player is wearing Ring of Charos (a) **'Player:' What happened to you? **'50% Luke:' Well ye seem like a lad/lass that can handle such a tale...so I'll tell ye... **'50% Luke:' Well, it all starts with this albatross... **'50% Luke:' Wait, never mind, I'll skip forward a bit. **'Player:' Are you sure? **'50% Luke:' I have to lad/lass, Cap'n Donnie will flay what little is left of me if I told ye. **'50% Luke:' But anyway, I got recruited to the zombie pirates along with the rest of the crew in an unspecified incident involvin this albatross. **'50% Luke:' We was sailin' along happily, and I was partakin' of a little 'rum' in the crows nest. **'50% Luke:' Well, we hit either a really rough wave or some rocks. **'50% Luke:' Twas kind of hard for me to tell which, as I was well out of it by then! **'50% Luke: '''Regardless, I toppled from the crows nest into the water. **'Player:' Is that how you got so badly injured? **'50% Luke:' No lad/lass! **'50% Luke:' What happened next was that I discovered a new, previously uncharted reef of hard, spiky coral. **'50% Luke:' I made a mental note of its location, and to this day it is still marked on our fleet's charts as Lukes Reef. **'50% Luke:' I managed to grab a hold of our ship, the Inebriated, as it passed overhead. **'50% Luke:' And then I discovered another, taller, spikier reef of even sharper and more painful coral. **'50% Luke:' To this day it is still marked on our fleet's charts as The Other 50% Reef. **'Player:' Owwwwwwwww... **'50% Luke:' It gets worse... **'50% Luke:' When they hauled what was left of me on deck, they dropped me onto the floor while they decided what to do with me. **'50% Luke:' Bear in mind this would be on a ghost ship, the planks of which sweat a thick mixture of stagnant water...and pure salt crystals. **'Player: Oh...my...god... **'''50% Luke: But on the good side, all my thrashin' and pained squealin' settled the matter in the Captain's mind, and he had the shipwright carve me half a body out of his Witchwood Planks. **'Player:' Witchwood? What's that? **'50% Luke:' Tis a special, magical wood from a now extinct tree. **'50% Luke:' Once they nailed it all in place the stuff moves like it is part of me body. **'50% Luke: '''The stuff will also grow back if it breaks, which is dead handy! **'Player:' Wow, that stuff must be very valuable! **'50% Luke:' Arr! That it be! **'50% Luke:' So, that be the tale of how I managed to lose precisely 50% of my body. **'Player:' There there. *How flammable are you? **'Player:' So how flammable are you? **'50% Luke:' What kind of question is that? **'Player:' I'll soon have you out of the way! Burn! **'50% Luke:' Don't make me angry! Ye'll not like me when I'm angry! **'50% Luke:' Let that be a lesson to ye! **'Player:' My world is an ocean of paaaain! *So what is going on here anyway? **'Player:' So what is going on here anyway? **'50% Luke:' Ye expect me to talk? **'Player:' No Mr. Luke, I expect you to die! **'50% Luke:' Hah! I'm one step ahead of ye! **'Player:' Egad, outsmarted by the man with the wooden brain. But seriously, what is going on here? **'50% Luke:' I can't tell ye lad/lass. The Cap'n would have me whittled down to toothpicks if I did. **'Player:' Well if you can't tell me, perhaps you could show me through the medium of Interpretive Dance? **'50% Luke:' No. Just...no. **'Player:' Mime? **'50% Luke:' Look, lad/lass I'm not tellin' ye a thing! So clear out while ye still can! *''When trying to open the gate **'50% Luke:' Arr! Tryin' ter get away eh? Well ye'll never sneak past me, I'm the best lookout this crew has ever seen! *''The player will say one of six possible phrases to distract 50% Luke.'' **'Player:' Hey you! Look over there! **'Player:' Who's that making faces behind you? **'Player:' Oh my! Is that a genuine 3rd Age Diversion? **'Player:' Is that your distraction? **'Player:' Who is that behind you? **'Player:' That is the most amazing thing I have ever seen! *''When coming back through the gate'' **'50% Luke:' Hey! What are you doing out there? **'Player:' Nothing. **'50% Luke:' Well Cap'n Donnie said no livin' landlubbers were allowed out of the compound. So get yerself back in here, or yer for it!